


ghostin

by Ice_Queen784



Series: Pepperony Songfics [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU where Banner doesn't float off into space at the end of Age of Ultron, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Based on an Ariana Grande song, Depression, F/M, Hurt Pepper Potts, Hurt Tony Stark, I'd like to apologize to Banner tho; I don't have anything against him, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Nightmares, Not Bruce Friendly, Not Steve Friendly, Past Abuse, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-01-25 14:31:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18576409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_Queen784/pseuds/Ice_Queen784
Summary: After Pepper and Tony break up, they each end up in toxic, abusive relationships. When they get back together, they have to help each other heal the damage those relationships caused.Based on ghostin by Ariana Grande.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> They never really talk about Pepper's backstory in the movies and I couldn't really find anything about it online, so I just made something up. 
> 
> Also, I would like to formally apologize to Bruce Banner. I don't hate him, I just felt like he was the best character to choose for the role he ends up playing here. 
> 
> This was only supposed to be one chapter, but it turned out way too long, so I'm splitting it up. This chapter is from Pepper's POV.
> 
> Anyway, this is my first fanfic for this fandom. It's depressing but I hope you like it.

_I know you hear me when I cry_

_I try to hold it in at night_

_While you’re sleeping next to me_

_But it’s your arms that I need this time_

 

Pepper had always been one to hold her emotions inside. If she ignored them, they didn’t hurt as much. She had always been the one to be there for Tony. He needed her. And she wanted to be there for him. She loved him. She wasn’t going to let her own issues get in the way of that.

 

But lately, it had been harder not to let her tears escape. She tried her best to keep them inside. It was all her fault anyway. If she’d never left Tony to begin with, none of this would have happened to them.

 

Two years ago, she had decided she needed to take a break from Tony. She had intended to take some time for herself. To sort through her own emotions and issues from her past. As it turns out, she wasn’t very good at that. It all hurt too much. It was just too hard to think about her own life. So she did what she did best. She found some other tortured soul to help. To help them deal with their problems so she wouldn’t have to deal with her own.

 

Pepper had found Bruce Banner. He was kind and sweet, but he was a troubled man. In the aftermath of Ultron, he had floated off in a Quinjet as the Hulk and crash landed in the ocean as Banner. He had decided to leave the Avengers for a while to recover from everything, physically and emotionally.

 

Not too long after Ultron, Pepper and Tony decided to take a break. Well, she had decided, he had agreed. She knew it hurt him, it hurt her too, but she thought it was best for both of them. When she left Tony, she started getting closer to Bruce. He would come to her apartment late at night and talk for hours. She would listen to whatever he had to say, whatever he needed to get off his chest. He’d been through some horrible things. It wasn’t easy turning into a giant green rage monster every time you got angry. He had a lot of guilt and anxiety. He had a lot of emotional issues to deal with. He reminded her of Tony in that way. Actually, he reminded her of Tony in a lot of ways. And slowly, she felt herself grow fonder of Bruce.

 

Eventually, she opened up to him about her own issues. About her past and what she had been through. Growing up, her parents were extremely abusive, both physically and emotionally. When she was seventeen, she had run away from home. She went to her Uncle Morgan. He was a bit eccentric, but he was the only relative she was close to. He agreed to take her in, even though the rest of her family all but disowned her after she ran away.

 

After seventeen years of being controlled by her parents, she was desperate to take control of her own life. And if that meant burying her emotions so she wouldn’t have to deal with them, so they wouldn’t get in the way, then so be it. She never bothered to deal with any of it until she started her relationship with Tony. And even then, she was still usually the one comforting him. He needed her so badly to help him deal with his depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It wasn’t easy for her, but she did her best to take care of him. She loved him more than she could put into words. But sometimes, it was just too much for her to handle. And as much as she had wanted to be there for him, she knew she could never fully be able to help him work through his issues until she had worked through her own. So she left him.

 

At first, her relationship with Bruce had been great. He was gentle, loving, and caring. But he had a darker side to him. One Pepper hadn’t noticed until it was too late. She used to think that the scary side of Bruce didn’t come out unless he was the Hulk. But she was wrong. He didn’t need to be a giant green monster to be terrifying. The lines between Bruce and the Hulk had started to blur over the years. He was losing the control he had over his anger. The Hulk still only came out when he was in battle, but he still got angry. And as their relationship progressed, he started taking his anger out on her.

 

Normally, he was very sweet and kind with her. He hugged her tightly and kissed her softly. He let her cry into his chest when she needed to. He took her out on romantic dates. He made love to her so gently, caring for her every want and need. He told her he loved her and he made her believe he meant it.

 

But when he got angry, he turned into another man entirely. He screamed at her and called her every name in the book. He told her she was worthless and that everything that had happened to her was her own fault and she deserved it. He threw things at her. He beat her. She tried to fight back, and she was a fairly athletic woman, but when he was in a fit of rage he overpowered her easily. And he would beat her until she was a sobbing, bleeding mess on the floor, hardly able to move.

 

When he calmed down, he was always horrified by what he had done. He would kneel down beside her and cry over her. He apologized as he kissed the bruises and cuts he’d left on her, promising he would never do it again. The first few times, she had believed him, but eventually she realized that was an empty promise.

 

But despite the abuse, she stayed with him for well over a year. She loved him and he insisted he loved her. And deep down, she felt like she deserved what he did to her. After all, growing up her parents were constantly punishing her like this for some nameless crime she had committed. This was just more of the same.

 

So Pepper stayed. She stayed because she loved him. She stayed because he loved her. She stayed with him because he needed her. She stayed because she needed him. She needed to have him to take care of. If she left him, she’d be alone. She’d be forced to finally deal with her issues.

 

She stayed until she just couldn’t anymore. One night while he was at her apartment, they heard on the news that the Avengers had been involved in a battle in an airport in Germany, and there had been severe damages to the property. Rhodey had been critically injured, but thankfully no one was killed. Steve had escaped with James Barnes, and the two of them were considered fugitives. Everyone who had fought on Steve’s side was arrested and being held in a high security prison.

 

Pepper and Bruce had both been aware that the Sokovia Accords had caused a rift among the Avengers, but they never could have guessed it would come to this. Pepper was worried about all of them. She still loved Tony, and she had come to consider the others her friends.

 

But Bruce didn’t get worried. He got angry at them. And because none of them were there for him to lash out at, he took it out on her.

 

He dragged her off the couch and toward the kitchen, where he slammed her against the refrigerator. She tried to fight him off, but it was no use. He beat her almost senseless. Then he threw her against a counter and grabbed a knife. She screamed as he stabbed her in the side. But thankfully, he had pushed her next to the drawer where she kept her gun. She took it out and put it to his head. He dropped the knife and backed away immediately.

 

“Pepper, baby, I am so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry, I-,”

 

“Get out.” She told him. “Or I will shoot.”

 

“Pepper, please, I love you. I would never want to hurt you. I’m sorry, please-,”

 

“Get out now!” She started backing him towards the door. “Or I will shoot you.”

 

“I’m sorry, I-,”

 

“I will blow your brains out, Bruce.” She growled. “Get the fuck out of here now and don’t you dare come back. Ever!”

 

“Pep-,”

 

“Get out!” She screamed. She fired a shot at his shoulder. It hit. “If you don’t leave now, I will kill you. And if I ever see you again, I will kill you.”

 

Bruce ran for the door, clutching his shoulder. She sank to the floor crying.

 

“Pepper, are you alright?” Tony’s voice brought her back to the present. She was lying next to him, sobbing loudly. She had tried to hold it in. Tried to stay quiet. She didn’t want to wake him. But she couldn’t hold it in anymore.

 

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she cuddled up against him.

 

“Bruce, he, he tried to kill me.” She cried into his chest. “I-I shot him.”

 

“I know, baby.” He kissed her softly. “But he can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let anyone hurt you again. I love you.”

 

_Look at the cards that we’ve been dealt_

_If you were anybody else_

_Probably wouldn’t last a day_

_Every tear’s a rain parade from hell_

 

Pepper let Tony’s soft touch and soothing voice calm her. He was good at that. She really didn’t know what she would’ve done if she hadn’t gotten back together with him.

 

After she shot Bruce, she quickly realized she needed to get to the hospital for her own wounds. She was badly bleeding from where he had stabbed her. She gave an incoherent lie to the 911 operator and the doctors in the emergency room about how she had been wounded. She still loved Bruce too much to turn him in.

 

She spent a little over three weeks in the hospital. The night before she checked out, Rhodey came to see her. She had told him about what had happened over the phone. He was the only person she had been able to confide in about her relationship at the time.

 

She hated seeing Rhodey in a wheelchair, but she was relieved to see him alive. That was the first time she’d seen him since his injury in Germany.

 

“Pepper, oh my God, are you alright?” He asked, taking her hand.

 

“I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile. “The doctors said I can go home tomorrow.”

 

“That’s good, right?”

 

“I think so.” She nodded. “Hey, how’s Tony doing?”

 

“Not so great.” He shook his head. “He and Cap got into a fight in Siberia. Long story short, Cap and his friend laid him out and left him there to die.”

 

“Oh my God.” She gasped. “But he is alive, right?”

 

“Yes, thankfully, he is alive.” Pepper breathed a sigh of relief. “He's back at the compound. He's working on a prosthetic for me to help me walk again. I’m sure he would love to see you, if you wanted to go and visit him tomorrow, after they let you go.”

 

“I’d love to see him.”

 

The next morning, after an extensive conversation with her doctor about how to care for her wound at home and when to come back, she checked out of the hospital. Happy picked her up from the hospital and drove her up to the Avengers Compound. Rhodey let her inside and led her to Tony's bedroom. 

 

“Tony?” She called, knocking on the door as she entered to get his attention. He was lying on his bed watching TV, but looked up shocked at her.

 

“Pepper?” His jaw dropped.

 

“May I come in?” She asked.

 

“Of course.” He sat up, looking stunned. “Pep, what are you doing here?”

 

“I’m getting out of the hospital today. I came by to see you. Rhodey told me you were here.”

 

“Rhodey never mentioned anything about you being in the hospital. Why were you in the hospital? And why do I feel like this is somehow my fault?”

 

“It isn’t your fault.” She told him, sitting gently on the bed and taking his hand. “It’s a long story, but the gist of it is I got stabbed.” She felt tears well up in her eyes. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about what happened yet.”

 

“Not to press the matter, but who stabbed you?” He asked. “I just need to know so I can hunt them down and kill them when they let me out of here.”

 

“No! Please don’t kill Bruce!” She blurted. “I feel bad enough that I shot him after he did it.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Pepper.” He squeezed her hand. “What the hell happened? Is Bruce abusive to you?”

 

He had known that she and Bruce were dating, but as far as he knew it was a perfectly happy relationship. Rhodey was the only one she’d confided in. She hadn’t wanted Tony to worry about her or blame himself, which she knew he would.

 

Pepper broke down crying. She couldn’t even reply. She just nodded.

 

“This is my fault, isn’t it?” He asked.

 

“No. No, Tony it’s not your fault.” She insisted. “But what happened in Siberia is my fault. If I had never left you, I could’ve been there for you and this would never have happened.”

 

“Pepper, don’t blame yourself for that.” He replied. “It's not your fault.”

 

“Tony, I love you.” She cried.

 

“I love you too, Pep.”

 

“Pepper, baby, it’s alright.” Tony’s voice once again brought her back to the present. “I’m right here.”

 

Pepper snuggled up to him gratefully. She didn’t know how he did it. How he dealt with her issues on top of his own. He was there for her no matter what, but then again, she did the same for him.

 

She had no idea how their relationship has rekindled through everything. She had no idea how it was surviving. Given everything that had happened, they shouldn’t have lasted a day. If it was anybody but Tony, they probably wouldn’t have.

 

No one else could be able to comfort her and help her like this. During the day, she could put on a brave face and pretend she was fine. But at night, memories of Bruce crept into her mind. Despite her best efforts, it always ended in tears. And once the tears started, they didn’t stop until she literally ran out of tears to cry.

 

But somehow, Tony was always there to hold her and comfort her. He was always there to get her through it. And she loved him all the more for it.

 

_Baby, you do it so well_

_You’ve been so understanding, you’ve been so good_

_And I’m putting you through more than one ever should_

_And I’m hating myself ‘cause you don’t want to_

_Admit that it hurts you_

 

“I’m so sorry, Tony.” Pepper told him. He had started to fall back asleep, but he woke up at the sound of her voice.

 

“For what?”

 

“For all of this.” She explained. “You’ve been through enough already, without having to deal with all of my issues.”

 

“Pepper, you have always been there for me. You’ve always done whatever you could to help me deal with my issues. It’s no trouble to help you with yours.”

 

He planted a soft kiss in her hair.

 

“But Tony, I left you. I hurt you. I wasn’t there for you. And then I come back and I’m dumping my own problems onto you, as if you don’t already have enough to deal with. All I do is hurt you.”

 

“Pep, I’ll admit it hurt a lot when you left. But I understood why you did it. And you could never hurt me by being here. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to help you as much as I can.”

 

“How can I not be hurting you?” She questioned. “I lay here at night and cry over another man. A man I still love. How does that not hurt you?”

 

“Because I know you love me.” He replied. “You’ve been through so much, with your parents and with Bruce. They hurt you, and you still love them even if they don’t deserve it. You can’t control that. You can’t help that. It hurts me more to know what Bruce did to you than to know you still love him.”

 

Pepper sighed and cuddled up to him. Tony was never going to admit that she was hurting him. He was going to bury that as deep as he could. But she knew she was hurting him. She could see it in his eyes. She could hear it in his voice. She was hurting him. And she hated herself for it.

 

He was so kind and understanding with her. He was endlessly patient with her in a way that had taken her a long time to be with him. He took care of her so well. He loved her so much. And she repaid him by hurting him with her love for another man.

 

And even though she spent just as much time taking care of him as he did her, she still hated herself. He shouldn’t have to take care of her. She had thought she was an expert on burying her problems and emotions. Why couldn’t she hide them anymore? Why couldn’t she handle this herself?

 

As much as she loved the feeling of being needed, she hated the feeling of needing someone else. She hated feeling dependent on Tony to deal with her problems. She had always needed him to an extent, he had been the only person she’d really had to turn to for a long time, but it was never like this. And she absolutely hated herself for having to make it like this.

 

_I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again_

_Over him_

_I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again_

_‘Stead of ghostin’ him_

 

Pepper eventually fell asleep in Tony’s arms. She dreamed about Bruce. They were back in her old apartment, cuddled up on the couch, talking. But suddenly, he got angry.

 

He threw her off the couch and climbed on top of her, screaming at her. He hit her again and again and, despite her best efforts to fight him off, there was nothing she could do to stop him. Then, he took a knife seemingly from out of nowhere and stabbed her, again and again, until she could feel the life draining from her body.

 

Suddenly, he stopped and started crying over her body, telling her that he was sorry and that he loved her.

 

She woke up in tears. She looked at the clock. It was three in the morning. She’d only slept for an hour. Tony had fallen back asleep. She tried to sob quietly so she wouldn’t wake him, but she didn’t succeed.

 

“Pepper, it’s alright.” He pulled her closer to him. “I’m here.”

 

“I had a nightmare.” She cried into his chest. “He tried to kill me.”

 

“It’s okay, Pep.” He comforted her. “I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”  

 

He turned her face up toward his and kissed her. When they pulled away, she could see tears in his eyes.

 

“I love you.” He told her.

 

“I love you too.”

 

She knew it broke his heart to see her like this. To see her sobbing uncontrollably, unable to sleep without having nightmares. To see her cry over the man who beat her and stabbed her.

 

She knew he wanted her to move on. And she wanted to move on from him. She wanted to get over him. But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t let go of him. She still loved him, no matter how hard she tried not to.

 

Sometimes, she wished she hadn’t left him. He never wanted to hurt her. He loved her. He needed her. And she abandoned him. She shot him and kicked him out. And she had never seen him since. She honestly had no idea what she would do if she did. Would she fall back into his arms? Or would she run away screaming and crying back to Tony? She told herself she would do the latter, but deep down, she feared she would do the former.

 

She still loved Bruce, despite everything he had done to her. Despite the fact that she had a permanent scar on her abdomen from loving him. She couldn’t help it. She loved him. And there was nothing she could do but cry about it.

 

_We'll get through this, we’ll get past this_

_I’m a girl with_

_A whole lot of baggage_

 

“Pepper,” Tony said softly. “You’ve been through so much in your life. And I know things are really hard right now. You spent your whole life bottling up your emotions and then he came along and broke the bottle. And I know it seems like it made a mess that you’ll never be able to clean up. But you will. Because I’ll be here to help you. We’ll get through this together. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure of that.”

 

“How can you know that?” Pepper asked, sadly. “I know you’re going to do whatever you can for me, but what if I can’t ever get past this?”

 

“You will. You just have to believe you can get past this. You’ve always gotten me through my problems, and I’m going to get you through yours. It’s as simple as that.”

 

“I really don’t think it’s that simple.”

 

Tony didn’t reply to that. He just sighed and held her tighter, planting a soft kiss in her hair.

 

Pepper appreciated everything he was doing for her. He really was doing everything he could to help her. But she feared it would never be enough. He was right. Bruce had broken the bottle. But he was also wrong. She would never be able to clean up the mess he made when he broke it. She had never learned how to deal with her emotions. And she felt like it was too late now. She’d let them get out of hand. And she would have to live with that.

 

“I’m sorry.” She told him. “It isn’t fair for me to do this to you. I’ve always kept my emotional baggage to myself. It’s not fair for me to dump it all on you now. You’re going through enough without me.”

 

“Pepper, I can’t live without you.” He replied. “I want to be with you. I want to help you. I want to love you. I want you, baggage and all. Because I love you.”

 

_But I love you, we’ll get past this_

_I’m a girl with_

_A whole lot of baggage_

 

“I love you too.” She told him. “And I can’t live without you either. You’re all I have. I need you.”

 

“And I need you. You’re all I have too, you know.”

 

Pepper smiled. Maybe Tony was right. Maybe he could help her get past this. Maybe she could get through this. Or maybe she couldn’t. But either way, she would still have him. Because he loved her, baggage and all. And that was all that really mattered.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Tony's POV. I had to change a couple of words to make the lyrics fit better from his POV.

_ Though I wish he were here instead _

_ Don’t want that living in your head _

_ He just comes to visit me  _

_ When I’m dreaming every now and then _

 

The next night, Tony lay in bed with Pepper. She was asleep in his arms. But he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Steve. Part of him wished Steve was here instead of Pepper. But he would never tell her that. He loved her. He needed her. And he would never want to hurt her like that. He just missed Steve sometimes. 

 

When Pepper left him, everyone was still living at the Avengers Compound. And gradually, he and Steve started to get closer. At first, Tony didn’t think it would turn into a real relationship, but it did. And Tony fell head over heels in love with him.

 

Steve reminded Tony a lot of Pepper. He was smart, strong, and caring. He tried to put others before himself. He was someone Tony never thought he could really be with. He was someone Tony didn’t deserve. 

 

But more importantly, being with Steve made him feel like his father would finally be proud of him. Steve was the son Howard Stark had always wanted. He was what he so desperately wished Tony would be. His father always resented him for not being Steve, but maybe dating him would be good enough to gain his approval. 

 

The only problem was that Tony wasn’t who Steve wanted him to be either. And Tony had no idea who Steve wanted him to be. But whatever Tony did, he could never live up to what Steve’s expectation was. And Steve turned out not to be the man Tony had expected him to be.

 

It didn’t take long for the relationship to turn abusive. Tony always seemed to be doing something to piss Steve off. And when he was pissed, he made sure Tony knew it. He would scream at Tony and berate him for whatever he had done wrong. And then, he would almost always attack him. Tony did his best to fight him off, and he was a decent match for Steve, but he always held back. He didn’t want to hurt Steve. But Steve wanted to hurt him. And he didn’t hold back. 

 

But Tony stayed with him. He felt like he deserved what Steve did to him. His father had treated him the same way, Steve was just continuing his legacy. At least the son Howard had wanted was living up to it. Because in his eyes, the son he had never could. 

 

Tony felt like things were going alright with Steve, all things considered. Until the Sokovia Accords. Tony felt like the Accords were inevitable and accepted them, but Steve wanted nothing to do with them. They were never going to agree on the Accords, but Tony held out hope that they could come to some sort of compromise. But Steve wasn’t interested in compromising. And he soon became more concerned with protecting James Barnes. The Winter Soldier. Or as Steve called him, Bucky. His friend from back before he was Captain America. Bucky had been accused of bombing the United Nations during the signing of the Accords. Once Tony found out he didn’t really do it, he was willing to put his disagreement with Steve over the Accords aside to find the real bomber. 

 

But then he found out Bucky killed his parents. And Steve had known about it and never told him. All sense of a truce disappeared in an instant. And he fought both of them in that bunker in Siberia.

 

During that battle, Tony felt consumed by vengeance and rage. But he came to a sharp realization. Steve was going to protect Bucky over him no matter what.

 

“I love him.” Steve had told him.

 

“I love you.” Tony replied. And in that moment, Tony realized who Steve had wanted him to be. He had wanted him to be Bucky. But he wasn’t. So he was never going to be good enough for Steve.

 

In the end, Steve won. He laid him out and shoved his shield in the arc reactor. Then he helped Bucky off the ground and left Tony there to die. That was the last time he saw Steve in person.

 

But sometimes, when Tony was sleeping, he saw Steve in his dreams. Some were happy dreams, others weren’t. But every time, he woke up crying. And every time, Pepper was there to take him in her arms and comfort him.

 

_ And after all that we been through _

_ There’s so much to look forward to _

_ What was done and what was said _

_ Leave it all here in this bed with you  _

 

“Tony, go to sleep.” Pepper’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

“I thought you were asleep.”

 

“I was.” She replied. “But I woke up. I could tell you were upset.”

 

“I’m sorry, honey.” He planted a soft kiss in her hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you. You shouldn’t have to take care of me like this. You have enough to deal with.”

 

“Tony, I love taking care of you. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Pep.” He told her. “And I don’t deserve you. But I’m infinitely grateful that I have you. And I’m sorry that I can’t let go of Steve.”

 

“It’s alright, Tony.” She cuddled up to him. “I understand.”

 

He kissed her again and held her tighter. He tried to focus on the future they could have together. But as she fell back asleep, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering back to the past. 

 

His mind went back to the bunker in Siberia. After Steve left him there, he tried to get up and leave, but he was too weak. He would’ve died out there if Natasha hadn’t found him. 

 

She was the last person he was expecting to see, but he was so grateful to see her. He was still mad that she let Steve go at the airport, but he was willing to put all that aside. 

 

“Oh my God, Tony, are you alright?” She asked, kneeling down beside him. 

 

“My boyfriend and the man he’s apparently always been in love with just beat the shit out of me and left me here to die, but sure, I’m alright.” He tried to keep his usual sarcastic attitude, but he was struggling. 

 

“Oh God,” she shook her head. “I knew whatever happened out here couldn’t have been good, but I didn’t expect it to be this awful. You need to get to the hospital.”

 

Natasha helped him off the ground and walked him to the helicopter. She helped him settle down, then sat down in the cockpit and took off.

 

“Did I know you could fly a helicopter?” He asked, trying to act normal.

 

“Probably not.” She smirked. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” She sighed and her expression turned serious. “I’m so sorry I let Steve go. If I’d caught him there, you never would’ve fought him in Siberia. This is my fault.”

 

“Natasha, please don’t blame yourself.” He replied. “I’m mad that you let him go, but that’s because you lied to me. You told me you’d stop him and then you didn’t. But I don’t blame you for what happened in that bunker. My relationship with Steve has been abusive for a long time. Something like this was bound to happen eventually.” 

 

Natasha didn’t reply to that. She just gave him a sad look. 

 

“I should call someone back in New York.” She said eventually. “T’Challa turned me in for letting Steve go, so I’m a fugitive now. I’ll need someone else to take you to the hospital. I’ll call the Compound. Hopefully someone’s home.”

 

Vision answered her call. He was the only one at the Compound. He agreed to call an ambulance for Tony as soon as they landed. And because Natasha had rescued Tony, he agreed not to tell the authorities she’d been there. 

 

Natasha landed at the Compound and helped him out of the helicopter and inside to wait for the ambulance. Then she left. And that was the last time he’d seen her. He wondered where she was. If she was doing alright. He hadn’t heard anything about her getting captured, or worse killed, so he hoped that meant she was okay.

 

“Tony, you’re still upset.” Pepper’s voice snapped him back to the present. 

 

“It’s just so hard to move on from what happened.” He started to cry. “But I love you so much. We’ve been through so much together. And you’re my only hope that I can get through any of it. And I hope we can build a wonderful future together. We have so much to look forward to, if only we could let go of the past.”

 

“We will.” She smiled. “We’ll learn to let go of it together.”

 

_ Baby, you do it so well _

_ You’ve been so understanding, you’ve been so good _

_ And I’m putting you through more than one ever should  _

_ And I’m hating myself ‘cause you don’t want to _

_ Admit that it hurts you  _

 

Tony wondered how Pepper did it. She took care of him so well. And she was always willing to put him first, even though she had her own issues to deal with. She was endlessly kind, loving, and understanding. Even though he didn’t deserve it.

 

He had put her through so much since he’d known her. She was the one left behind to wonder whether or not he would come back from his latest mission, and he knew that put a lot of stress on her. Not to mention the missions she herself had been dragged into. She’d been the one to blow up the arc reactor to kill Obadiah. She’d been kidnapped by Aldrich Killian and injected with Extremis. And he didn’t even save her. She had to kill Aldrich herself. 

 

And then she’d gotten into an extremely abusive relationship with Bruce Banner. And while she was still trying to deal with the damage from that, here he was dumping his problems from his own abusive relationship on her. 

 

She would never admit he was hurting her. He knew it was pointless to even bring it up with her. But he knew it hurt her. How could it not? He still loved Steve. He still wanted him. And although he tried not to vocalize that, he knew she knew it. 

 

Tony had spent most of his life hating himself, but he really hated himself now. He loved Pepper so much. And all he was doing was hurting her. And she wouldn’t even acknowledge the pain. Not that it was that surprising. She had never been one to want to express the emotions she was feeling. She only dealt with them when she couldn’t bottle them up any longer. And he was waiting for her to one day blow up at him and leave him again. Surely there would come a day when she just couldn’t handle having to take care of him anymore. 

 

The thought was enough to make him start crying harder. So he held her tighter and hoped that day he feared would never come. 

 

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ Over him _

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ ‘Stead of ghostin’ him _

 

“Tony, it’s alright.” Pepper comforted him, snapping him out of his thoughts once again. “He can’t hurt you anymore. I’ll protect you.”

 

“Sorry I woke you again.” 

 

“It’s fine.” She reassured him. “I really don’t mind. I want to be here to take care of you.”

 

Tony didn’t reply to that. He just cuddled up to her and cried. He could hear the sadness in her voice as she made soft noises of comfort. He knew it broke her heart to see him like this. To see him sobbing over a man who hurt him so badly. 

 

He was trying his best to let go of the past. To move on from Steve. After all, he had Pepper. He didn’t need anyone else. He loved her so much and he knew she loved him. But he just couldn’t get over Steve. He had loved Steve too. He had needed him. But he just wasn’t what Steve wanted him to be. And that relationship never could have been anything but toxic. What happened in Siberia was the inevitable conclusion to a tragic love story. 

 

He knew he should let go of Steve. He should get over him. He had Pepper. She was the love of his life. She was his soulmate. He shouldn’t be lying in bed next to her crying over someone else. But yet he was. He knew it broke Pepper’s heart to see him struggling so much to move on. He wanted to move on. But he just couldn’t. And he honestly wasn’t sure he ever could.

 

_ We’ll get through this, we’ll get past this _

_ I’m a man with  _

_ A whole lot of baggage _

 

“Pepper, I’ll get over Steve eventually, right?” He asked. 

 

“I’m sure you will.” She stroked his face softly. “I’ll be here to help you get over him. And you’ll be here to help me get over Bruce.”

 

“We’ll get through this.” He said, mostly trying to convince himself. She nodded. 

 

“We will. We’ll get through this together.”

 

He didn’t reply. He just nodded and prayed she was right. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to be dumping all of his baggage on her, when she had her own problems to do with. Granted, he’d been doing this for years, but it had never felt fair and that certainly wasn’t going to change now. 

 

But he was grateful to have her. To have someone who loved him enough to be able to deal with him. To have someone who would be there to take care of him, no matter what. And he prayed he would never lose her again. 

 

_ But I love you, we’ll get past this _

_ I’m a man with _

_ A whole lot of baggage _

 

Tony knew his relationship with Pepper was never going to be easy. They had both been through so much, some of it together, some of it separately. But no matter how difficult things got, they would always be there for each other.They were soulmates, and they were always going to do whatever it took to protect each other. Because they loved each other, baggage and all. 

 

Tony had a lot of issues. And so did Pepper. But they would help each other get past them. She would carry some of his baggage for him and he would do the same for her. It’s just what they did. They loved each other. And they would get past this together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw Endgame on Saturday, and it gave me a couple more ideas for fanfics, both of them also based on Ariana Grande songs because 1) I love her and 2) a lot of her music reminds me of Pepperony. I don't wanna say more than that because spoilers.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading! :)

**Author's Note:**

> I have not seen Endgame yet. If you have seen it, please, please, please, do not say anything about it in the comments. I'll more than likely have seen it by the time the second chapter goes up, but please do not spoil it for me or anyone else. Not that I think someone would spoil it in the comments, but just to be safe. Thanks! :)
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter will be from Tony's POV. I'll have that out soon. Thanks for reading! :)


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